Meet the Masens
by tsubasa37
Summary: This is a continue of LilRidingHood7's stryof the same title. TwilightXBuffy. ALL VAMPIRE! little bitof fluff, NO LEMONS...yet! The Masens are... distant relatives of the Cullens. Then, Buffy shows up. I suck at summaries. Warning kind of weird & twisted.
1. The Who?

It was a rainy day in Forks. Bella was curled up on the couch with a blanket around her icy shoulders. She sighed and shook her head. She kept telling Edward that she was a _vampire_ now and that she didn't need blankets, but he had a knack for being over-protective. Right at this moment he was making cocoa. He looked so insistent and she didn't want to hurt his feelings by saying no. Bella remembered when she loved cocoa. Now she wasn't so fond of it. "BELLA!" Alice was knocking at the front door.

"BELLA! IT"S MEE!" "I know Alice, I'm not deaf!" said Bella as she unlocked the front door… and felt herself being squished. "Alice…being… squished… help… Carlisle…" Carlisle walked inside and Alice finally let go. "Hey Bella," Carlisle hugged her "where's Edward? I need to speak to him about…something." "He's in the kitchen making cocoa." "But Bella," Alice looked genuinely dumb-founded, "you are a _vampire_. You don't need cocoa to keep you warm, you need a nice night with Edward, on the sofa, having-˝ "CARLISLE! What are you doing home?" "Err… I need to talk to you." Carlisle ushered Edward into the corner and they talked in low whispers. Bella could hear exactly what they were saying. It sounded like: I got in contact, and they've decided to- "BELLA!! Oh my God, let's do MAKEOVERS! Oh I know exactly what we're gonna do with you…" and with that Bella was dragged upstairs. Bella may have been a vampire now, but Alice was SERIOUSLY strong. Plus, Bella wasn't really that interested in what the guys were talking about- if it was deadly important, Edward would tell her. So Bella followed Alice upstairs and let her self become a vampire-y version of a Barbie doll.

A few hours later, and Bella looked like she fell in a bucket full of body glitter. Alice (later joined by Rosalie) had made her try on at least 100 different outfits, nodding or shaking their heads. Eventually, Bella escaped, but only just. She wondered down the stairs, shaking all the excess glitter off her too-tight dress. Bella may have changed in _some ways_ but she was still embarrassed by short dresses. "Bella? Is that you?" She spun around. "Hey honey." Bella gave him a kiss on the cheek. "What's up? You look troubled." "It's just… well… the Masens are coming." "The _who_?"

***

Spike looked at the time on the dashboard of the van. "We should be there by now! Bloody hell!" "Spike!" Buffy yelled. "I told you, no talking! Shh!" "Well, luv, I told you, it's not easy for me to zip it. Talking, for me, is like being a geek, for Xander. We can't help it." "Spike! That's not- wait. Geek? Did you just call me a-" "ENOUGH!" Giles yelled. "Spike, apologise. Xander, face the music. Everyone, behave!" Everyone was quiet. "…So, Giles, what do you mean by 'face the music'? Are you saying I'm a-" "BLOODY HELL!" The van screeched to a halt. There was a figure in the middle of the road. A muscly figure. Beside him was a girl, she was short and thin, and her skin was… well, it was too pale to be human. Buffy knew what this creature was immediately. It was a vampire. "Stay here, guys." Buffy said, as she jumped out of the van. "Hey" the girl waved as Buffy got closer. "What were you doing in the middle of the road?" "Uhh…" the man replied. "Crossing it?" "Oh." She turned to the girl. "You do realise you're a vampire, right?" "Yeah…" The girl grinned. "Can you stop grinning?" "Why?" "Because I'm a slayer. As in a _vampire_ slayer." The girl stopped smiling. "…shit. So, like, are you going to kill me?" "Well, I don't have to, but that's generally the idea…" The man growled like… like a dog. "Don't you dare touch her…" Buffy liked the look of this guy. He was tall, tanned, and musclier than any of the boyfriends she'd had…. and for some reason, he reminded her of Oz, Willow's ex… "I… I wasn't going to hurt her…" Buffy trailed off.

"Oi. Slayer. What's the hold-up?" Spike swaggered over and waved. "Hi I'm Spike, I'm a vampire…" "What? A slayer dating a vampire? You were going to kill Jo when you're dating one yourself… You.. you hypocrite!" Muscles was shaking with anger. The girl called 'Jo' put her hand on his shoulder and whispered in his ear and he immediately stopped shaking, but his face was still a little blushed. "We're not… I mean we're not-" Buffy had an idea. Jealousy had been known to work wonders in the past… who said it wouldn't work on this guy? "Spike… you don't have to be shy about our…" Buffy caressed Spikes face "…relationship." "Bloody hell slayer… OK, who are you? And what on earth have you done with Summers?" "Spike, whatever do you mean? It's me!" Buffy smiled playfully at Spike, who shook his head. "No way in hell is that you…" Buffy dropped her smile and snatched her hand away from Spikes cheek. While all of this had been happening, the boy and girl had escaped. "Spike! Why did you let them get away?" "What? Me? You were the one with your hands all over my face!" "Why didn't you play along? We could have had them as hostages!" "No, you could have had a new toy boy for another month or so." Buffy shook her head "No Buffy, don't deny it, you had your eyes all over his hunky chest! I'm not blind!" "Argh!" Buffy stormed back to the van. Spike went to turn around, and head back to the van himself, when he noticed a smell. A very familiar smell. It smelt like salt water and an exotic perfume. It reminded him of the old days. The really, really, _really_ old days. "Will?" a girl asked. "Is…is that you?" Spike swung around. "JAC!?!?"


	2. It's Not What You Think!

"Where are they? They're meant to be here by now!" Carlisle, Esme, Edward, Jasper, Emmett, Rosalie and Alice were waiting for the Masens. Bella was still getting ready. "Alice!" they heard a voice from the bathroom. "Coming, Bella." Alice replied. A flash of hair and a breeze of wind told Edward that Alice had gone to help Bella. "They said three o'clock, right?" Edward asked. Carlisle nodded in reply. "Well, it's three thirty." Emmett swung around. "Edward. You're my bro and I love you. Now SHUT THE HECK UP! They'll be here."

"Emmett's right. I'm getting stressful vibes from you, Edward. Why don't you relax and tell us who these people are." Jasper smiled encouragingly at Edward. "Well, Carlisle thinks it's my sister and her new covent…" "Wow. How'd you find them, Carlisle?" Rosalie asked. "One of my patients was talking about a friend of theirs, Dean, who was going out with Paige Masen. As soon as I heard Masen, I thought of Edward. I asked for the friends details, who I called, and I eventually got the Masens's address … I invited them to stay over for the weekend."

Edward heard a noise. It sounded like loud music. As it got closer, he recognised that it was rap music. He opened the front door… and saw three cars. The first, a Ferrari. It was electric blue, and everyone who was inside it had skin like sparkling diamonds. Behind that was a black Jeep, again with vampires, but this time only two had sparkling skin. The two in the back were human. Finally, behind the Jeep, was a Lamborghini, with again four vampires. Just when he thought there were no more surprises, in drove a motorbike, which had a guy and a girl, the boy was human, the girl was vampire. They all stepped out of their cars and up to the front door, the driver of the Ferrari in front. "Hi" she said, looking at Jasper. "You must be Edward! I'm Monique! It's so nice to meet you." "Uhh, no I'm Jasper, that's Edward-" "Oh right." Monique said, turning towards Edward and Emmett. "So you're Edward," she said, walking up to Emmett. "No, I'm not-" She hugged him. "Hang on, don't you have bronze hair?" Monique asked Emmett. "No. _I'm not Edward._" Monique took a step back from Emmett. She turned to Edward. "Oh." She said. "Hey Edward." Monique said. "Oh, dear, what's that stuff on your hands?" Esme turned to the blonde girl who wasn't on the motorbike. "Umm… the Ferrari ran out of petrol. We were filling up when someone," she pointed to one of the two identical twins "decided to play a prank on me, and now I have Diesel all over my hands. We were running late so I didn't get time to wash them." "Oh." Esme smiled. "There's a bathroom over there." She said, pointing the girl in the right direction. "Thanks," she said, and ran over to the bathroom.

"Oh! I'd better introduce everyone! I'm Monique, this is my husband Jedd," Monique pointed to the brunette man next to her. "This is Lucy, she's human" she pointed to one of the twins "and her boyfriend Ryan, also human." She pointed to the brunette next to Lucy. "Over here we have Fleur, and her boyfriend Nic," she pointed to a girl with black hair, and a blonde guy, who were talking to each other. "And this is Claire and Natalie," she pointed to a girl with copper hair and a girl with brown hair "and their boyfriends Frankie and Patrick" she pointed to two black-haired guys laughing about something. "Oh, and the girl in the bathroom is Cassie, and this is her boyfriend," she pointed to a guy with hair so brown, it was almost black. "Any questions?" Emmett raised his hand "Who are they?" "Oh, that's Paige and her fiancé Dean. FYI, he's a demon-hunter, so he'll be coming and going every now and then. Any others?" Emmett raised his had again. "Weren't there twins?" "Huh? No…" Lucy replied. "But…" Emmett was really confused. "But there were two of you…" Lucy looked almost as confused as Emmett until she realised who he was talking about. "Oh, no, that's Fleur. She likes to play with peoples minds." Fleur waved. Rosalie was still confused. "I don't get it." "Uh, honey?" Emmett asked. "Look up." Rosalie looked up and saw… herself! "What…" she was interrupted by a loud scream. "INCEST!" The Masens and the Cullens ran up to the source of the scream… the bathroom.

They all crowded around the door and saw… Alice, tugging on Bella's dress. "Wow. This is seriously twisted." Natalie shook her head. Lucy fake gagged. Jasper and Edward looked stunned. "It's not what you think!" Alice shrieked.


	3. Naming is Shaming

**Umm…. I forgot to mention what's happening, didn't I? Right, well Renesme was never born, Johanna sort of takes her place ad Jake's girl. Bella is vampire (you know, if you read the first chapter that's slightly obvious…) and… oh yeah. I don't own anyone. Except for the Masen girls and Jedd. Oh and Jasmine. (haha Jas I own you!) Yeah. Sorry it's been ages, I'm just gonna go now… ENJOY!**

_Previously on Meet the Masens: "JAC??"_

***

"Will! It's been so long!" "Yeah… it's been, what, 200 years now? Bloody hell luv. You don't look a day older…. Wait," realisation dawned on Spike's face. "you don't look a day older. What face-cream are you using, luv? I think I should try some…" "No face-cream, you pratt. More like, vampire cream. Except it's not cream, it's in my veins, flowing through my body." Jac wasn't angry. On the contrary, she was smiling, her eyes fixed on Spike's hair. "What?" Spike asked. "What's wrong with my hair." "Nothing. It just looks so… cocky." Jac started laughing, "I mean, how long do you spend on that thing, an hour?" she continued to laugh and point at Spike's hair. "Actually, it's more like two hours. On good days." Xander appeared next to them. Jac was in hysterics. Xander was laughing too. Suddenly, Willow was there. "What's so funny?" she asked. "His… hair…" Jac managed to gasp out. Willow giggled. "That is kinda funny…" And then Willow was laughing too. "What is the meaning of this?" Giles was behind them, his eyebrows raised. Automatically Willow and Xander stopped laughing. Jac, however, couldn't seem to stop.

"What… Who are you?" Giles stared at Jac who was still giggling. "Jac." She said. "Are you a friend of Spike?" "Spike? Who's Spike?" "Um, the guy you've been talking to for the last 10 minutes?" "Spike? You mean Will is…. Spike?" and Jac went on another laughing marathon. Xander couldn't help chuckling, Willow had her mouth covered and her eyes closed. Even Giles cracked a smile. But Spike wasn't laughing. "What? It's tough. Tougher than Will anyway." Spike added after he saw Jac open her mouth. "No, Will, Spike is a poofy name. As in 'only pooftas call themselves Spike.'" "Yeah, well, you can talk, JASMINE." Xander, regaining his composure, turned to Spike. "Dude, she's _allowed_ to have a soft name. She's a _girl._" "Wait, you're name is Jasmine?" Willow asked Jac. "Yeah… Why?" "That's an awesome name." "What's you're name? Okay, so I know Will, I mean Spike, but how about the rest of you?" "I'm Xander. This is Willow, Giles, and… well… usually we have Buffy with us, but… Spike, where _is_ Buffy?" Xander looked at Spike. "Oh my God, you didn't suck her blood and leave her lifeless body in a gutter, did you?" "No I did not kill your precious Buffy, she ran off with some werewolf and his girlfriend…" "Aww… poor Spike…" Jasmine ran over and gave him a hug. "Umm… I hate to spoil your precious moment, but the clouds are clearing up." "And…" "And you're a vampire. Sun plus vampire equals NOT GOOD." Spike widened his eyes. "Aah… crud."

***

"Alice… why are you pulling down Bella's dress?" Carlisle raised one of his eyebrows. Bella was amazingly embarrassed. Everyone could see her bra. Although she didn't really need one. She just wore it out of habit. Still, she was embarrassed. She would have blushed if she could. "Carlisle… I can seriously explain…" Alice was biting her lip, staring at the huge audience in front of them. "Whoah… incest… Seriously, I think I read a book about that once, except it was brother and sister, and everyone was all like GROSS coz, like, it's not right and I was like, well, I was like…" Cassie trailed off after receiving a death stare from Lucy. "Actually it's not incest." Edward looked like someone had just slapped him. "They're not related. Technically." Silence. "Yeah but it's still gross." Lucy bitch-slapped Cassie. "Cassie! Silencio!" "Hey! That's not nice!" Castiel glared at Lucy. "You'd better apologise, mutant!" "Who are you calling 'mutant', leech?" Ryan stepped in front of Lucy. "GUYS!" Fleur yelled. "Hello? Hasn't anyone noticed the CRISIS SITUATION happening at the moment? You should be ashamed of yourselves!" Cassie and Lucy looked away. "Now, kiss and make-up." Lucy shuffled towards Cassie. Cassie opened up her arms and gave Lucy a hug. "Thanks Fleur." Monique said. Paige was smiling. The Cullens were giving the Masens a strange look. "Umm… Family meeting." Carlisle whispered. The Cullens, including Alice and Bella, walked out of the bathroom in silence. The Masens didn't even realise they were gone, because they were all hugging and smiling.

***

"Carlisle, I was just fixing up Bella's dress!" Alice said once they got into the kitchen. "I know Alice. That's not why we're here…" Edward looked a bit better know. "That explains… a lot." "Edward, didn't you know? I mean, you can still read minds, right?" "Yes… Well, I think I can. But something in that bathroom stopped me. There was… I can't explain. It was superhuman. Not vampire," he added, seeing Emmett's eyebrows raise and hearing his thought, "but like, mutant." "Exactly." Carlisle said. "Lucy and Ryan are mutants." "Like, X-Men mutants? Or like, evil, mutated at birth typed mutants…" Emmett was furrowing his eyebrows and Rosalie was holding his hand. "Like X-Men mutants." Jasper said. He'd been quiet since he saw Alice and Bella… and he was still avoiding looking at Alice. "Jasper…" Alice looked at him. He looked up and met her gaze. "Jasper. Ew. Look, just go and… wait. No, Jasper that's just GROSS! Keep your thoughts to yourself, and get a room!" Jasper looked shocked. "Sorry Edward." He said, and pulling Alice along, he went upstairs. "Right." Carlisle said. "Meeting dismissed." Esme whispered something in Carlisle's ear. He smiled. "No dear, I'm sure that the mutants won't go mad and burn down the house…" Bella and Edward drifted out of the room, and into Edward's bedroom. Bella sat down. "What… How are you Edward?" "It's a bit of a strange time to be making small talk, don't you think?" he smiled, but Bella could tell it was fake. "No, I mean, how are you. About your sister, and the Masens and… everything." Edward sat down next to Bella. She rested her head on his shoulder. "I… I didn't think I had a sister. Apparently, she was an accident. My parents gave her away to an orphanage. They already had me. They didn't need another child to look after. When she was sixteen… well I guess she followed in her big brother's footsteps. She got turned." Bella turned Edward's face to look at her. "Hey. It's not like you can do anything." "Yeah. I know." Bella kissed Edward. "Anyway, I guess I'd better go see if Esme wants help with dinner." "Bella, we don't eat." Edward looked at her gently, as though she was dumb. "I know. But it's Sunday. Jacob will be coming over for a BBQ, and I can't wait to meet this new 'Johanna' he keeps going on about."


	4. Western Showdowns and Screaming Bells

**The day I own Twilight and Buffy will be the day that Zac Efron knocks on my door and asks me on a date. Basically, that day will never come. Ever.**

**Oh and also, this is not the Jasmine from Angel. I don't know who she is, but the real Jassie told me the other day. So I thought I'd throw that in, for all you Buffy buffs. Ok, go back to reading now. C'mon, shoo! Go on! Oh and please review. It would make my day. :)**

_Previously on Meet the Masens:_ _"Sun plus vampire equals NOT GOOD." Spike widened his eyes. "Aah…crud!"_

Spike ran over and hid in the shade of a giant tree, growing on the side of the road. "Jac! Jac! Oi, you bloody idiot, get over here or you'll be toast!" "What?" Jasmine looked confused. "But… why?" "You'll get killed. By the sun." Spike raised his eyebrows, expectation painted on his face. He expected Jasmine to know about the sun (she'd been a vampire almost as long as he had.). He also expected Jasmine to realise and run over to the tree. Jasmine did realise something. But Spike certainly didn't expect it… "I'm not a vampire, you douche!" "Huh…?" Xander, Willow, Giles and Spike looked at Jasmine. "I drank vampire blood. I have some vampire qualities, but I have to eat, sleep, and sunlight doesn't hurt me. Oh, and I get hurt. Easily. But I have super strength, super speed, super fast healing…the works." Spikes jaw dropped. Xander narrowed his eyes. Willow's tongue poked out, an afterthought of her confusion. And Giles? Welll, he looked as though he had been slapped. "But… NO! That's never been heard of. I've never read that in a book or anything…" he trailed off, giving up. "Well, Giles, I'm no book." Jasmine grinned. "So, who are you?" Spike swung around (again). Xander looked over his shoulder. Willow bit her lip and stared. Giles didn't seem to care. He was still wondering about this strange case of 'vampirism'. "I could ask you the same question."

Jasmine continued to grin at the short blonde girl in front of her. Jasmine guessed that this was Buffy, that slayer that everyone went on about. She wasn't that great. In fact, Jasmine thought that she could whip Buffy's arse any day. But she knew that Buffy was Spike's friend, so she was polite. Or at least, _her_ version of polite.

Buffy _hated_ this girl. She was pretty, had blue eyes and blonde hair. Plus, Buffy noticed, she had Spike's full attention. Buffy didn't like Spike. At least, not in _that _way. But to think that Spike liked this girl… well, it was annoying to say the least. But Buffy had Jacob now, the cute werewolf. Sure there were minor complications, like Johanna, his girlfriend that he absolutely adored. But, Buffy thought, these were only minor complications. By the end of this week, Buffy would have Jacob Black. Even if she had to go through Johanna to get him.

Spike, hidden in the tree, hoped that the girls would get along. He hoped that Jasmine had grown out of her witty one-liners, and that Buffy wouldn't be bitchy to Jasmine. Spike also hoped that, one day, he could go for a picnic in the English countryside whilst the sun was out. Moral of the story? Spike's hopes are made to be crushed.

"So. Are you going to answer my question, blood-sucker?" "That depends, slayer." "Depends on what?" "Depends on whether I like you or not." "And…" Everyone was parted on either side of the girls, like an old Western movie. Jasmine almost laughed. She could hear the music now… _dodododododoooo dododooo…_ "I don't think you want me to answer that question, luv. It might hurt your fellings." "I don't care, leech. In case you didn't know, I'm not easily wounded." "I don't like your guts. You are a complete and utter scumbag, and your plan sucks trouser-snakes." "My… Did you just say my plan?" "Oui." Jasmine smiled. "I know everything, Miss I-wish-I-was-dating-Jacob-Black!" "WHAT DID YOU SAY??"

***

"Bellaaaa!" "What now Alice? Wait… you're not Alice…you must be Johanna!" "You can call me Jo." replied Johanna. By that time all of the Cullens and Masens were there. "Hahaha… you're really short!" Johanna punched Emmett. "Maybe you're just a giant!" Jo poked her tongue out. "Umm… so where's Jake?" Bella asked quietly. She hoped that Edward wouldn't think she was still in love with Jacob. Part of her loved him, but she wasn't _in_ love with him. She was in love with Edward. "He's getting our stuff out of the truck… I sort of forgot to ask… Carlisle, could we sleep over?" Carlisle smiled. "Of course, Johanna." "Please. Call me Jo." Lucy coughed. Repeatedly. "Are you okay, Lucy?" Esme asked, concerned. "Umm… well, no. I'm wondering where _I'm _going to sleep, if Jo sleeps over." The room was filled with silence. A very awkward one, might I add. "Well, Lucy, I don't sleep. So, I guess I'm just staying over, but not _sleeping_ over." "But… you and Jacob will want to have…" Lucy trailed off. Emmett snorted. Edward's eyes grew very, very large. Bella bit her lip. "Talking about me already, huh?" Jacob grinned. "JAKE! Oh my God ,it's been so long, and I was all like, oh my God I wonder how Jake is…" "Bells, slow down. I can't understand a word you are saying." Bella would have blushed. But she couldn't...luckily. So she ran over and hugged Jacob instead. "Hey Jake, how is it going between _you and Johanna_?" "Great. Really great."

Jacob looked over at Jo. Jo looked over at Jacob. The moment was so intense, that everyone else just stood there, wondering when Jacob and Jo would give up this 'staring contest'. Bella noticed that Jacob was still holding on to her hand. She also noticed the look in Jacob's eyes as he stared at Jo. It was extremely familiar… as if she had seen it before on someone else. She had this feeling that was the same as what she guessed Rosalie would have felt when Edward was with Bella. Not jealousy. More like, over-protectiveness. She didn't want Jacob to get hurt. "Jacob, can we talk in the kitchen?" Bella interrupted Jacob and Johanna. "Yeah. Okay." Jacob continued to stare intensely at Johanna. "Umm… now?" "Oh right." Jacob broke eye contact with Jo. He followed Bella into the kitchen, taking a peek at Jo every five minutes. "She's really great, isn't she?" "Jake, I'm… I'm worried about you. Are you sure about her? I mean, I like her," Bella added after seeing Jacob's expression. "it's just… I don't want you to get hurt." Jacob smiled at Bella. "Bella, Bella, Bella. I can take care of myself you know. Plus, I've been meaning to tell you, I-" "Dinner!" Esme sung out. "Great. Let's eat!"

In the end, Lucy, Ryan, Dean and Jacob had a cooked steak with gravy. Everyone else just ate raw deer. The room was filled with chatter and the occasional 'pass the gravy'. That is, until Jacob yelled out, "TOAST!" holding up his glass of Coke. Everyone else just held up pretend cups. Emmett held up a pretend bottle. "To the lovely Johanna." "Hear hear!" Emmett yelled. Everyone shushed him. "my girlfriend, my love, my imprintee-" Jacob stopped talking and placed his hand over his mouth. "Oops." "Imprintee?" Bella whispered. "You imprinted. And you didn't tell me." Bella narrowed her eyes. "YOU DIDN'T TELL ME?" Bella screeched. "Everyone run! She's gonna blow!" Emmett yelled. Everyone stood up and walked out, each muttering a different excuse. Bella and Jacob were left alone.

"Bella I was going to tell you but-" "BUT WHAT? WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME, YOU… YOU… YOU ASSHOLE!" "Bella, take a breath, and please stop yelling, you're giving me a headache." "NO. IF I WANT TO YELL, BY HELL I WILL!" Bella snarled. Jacob sighed. "Isabella Marie Cullen." Hearing her full name, Bella was quiet. "Please. Let me explain. I can't help imprinting, okay? You know that. And… well, I didn't tell you because I thought you were in love with me. I mean, I love you but…" "Jake…" Bella laughed. "I'm not _in_ love with you, I just… I love you like a _brother_, okay? And I'm really happy for you. Just tell me. What ever happens, next time I want to be the first to know." Jacob nodded. They hugged. "Alright everyone, it's clear! You can come out now!" Claire yelled from the doorway. Everyone shuffled back in, chattering quietly. "Guys, I'd like to do another toast…" "NO! Those toasts of yours bring bad luck-" Jasper placed his hand over Emmett's mouth, and nodded. "Continue, Jake." Jasper smiled. "Thanks. Well, anyway, as I was saying before, here's to Johanna, my love, my imprintee, et cetera. And I'd also like to say, Bella, I'm so sorry I didn't tell you. But, I guess since we're confessing everything tonight-" "Uh-oh" Jacob glared at Cassie. "Sorry." She said. "Since we're confessing everything tonight, I'd like to say something… I…" There was a knock at the door.

"Hold on Jacob," Carlisle stood up to answer the door, leaving everyone else in the dining room. "Oi. Err… we are some err… lost vampires. Yeah, that's it." Bella could hear an English accent from the front door. "Umm… well… yeah. We're lost. We were trying to get to New York, but we, erm, ended up here…" an English girl spoke. "Umm… okay… come on in, we were just having dinner." Bella heard two sets of footsteps. Then, she heard the door to the dining room creak open. Lastly, as she turned around, she saw two blondes. Well, the man had white hair, the girl had caramel-blonde hair. "Hullo. I'm Jasmine." The girl waved. "And I'm Spike." The man nodded. "Wait." Johanna squinted one eye. "Don't I know you?" "Oh shit."


	5. Mysterious Visitors

_Previously, on Meet the Masens:_ _"Hullo. I'm Jasmine." The girl waved. "And I'm Spike." The man nodded. "Wait." Johanna squinted one eye. "Don't I know you?" "Oh shit."_

_***_

Buffy POV.

Gosh, I wish Spike and Jasmine would hurry up and knock on the damned door! They are going to ruin the plan, if they keep messing around. I mean its easy enough, right? You go up, knock on the door, then they open up, and you say "We're lost, can we stay over the night?" I heard that the head of the house, (Carlisle, or something) was really compassionate, or something. I hope he'll be alright now… Oh my God, Jacob is in there… one step closer to making him mine! Hahahaha, yes! My plan is worki- Oh! They're knocking on the door… come on… yes! They're inside! Score! That Carlisle is such a push-over.

God, my plan had better work… what was phase two, again? Oh, right- we make all of Johanna's flaws really obvious… Then Jacob will have to dump her! Oh, and we have to slay all those vampires. That's phase three. It's a tiny bit trickier than phase two, considering the fact that there's, like, 22 vampires in there. And there are seven of us. But we'll have eight once Jacob is on our team. I can just imagine it now…

Hang on; I'm getting bad psychological messages from Jasmine… _Plan… going… bad… girl... recognises... Spike…._ What? No! That's… that's impossible! Stupid Spike… I'd better send her a message back. _Don't... worry… play… it… cool... I'll… think… of… something… soon. _There. Lucky she only has restricted access to my thoughts, otherwise my whole Jacob fantasy would be… well, her fantasy. Plus, the sinister part of the plan where she isn't included would be revealed. And we don't want that.

***

"Er… yeah. Oh my God! I remember you! You were that girl from, er… Wales!" Jasmine smiled. "Actually, I've never been to Wales in my life. And it's not you I recognise, it's…" Johanna turned to face Spike. "It's you." she pointed at him. Jasmine sighed. _So much for 'playing it cool' _she thought. "Me? No. You must be blind or something, luv. I've never seen you before in my life. And I'm sure I've never seen you in my after-life, either."

Johanna nodded. "Ok." She chimed. "If you say so." Spike and Jasmine looked surprised. "So… that's it?" Jasmine asked. "Yeah. Why?" Spike was about to say something when Jasmine put her hand over his mouth. "No reason." And with that they sat down at the dining table. Carlisle came back in and sat down at the table too. He glanced over at Jasmine and Spike. "Umm… hopefully tomorrow, we'll be able to drop you to New York. I was, uh, heading that way anyway." "Thanks.". An awkward silence filled the room. Esme, remembering her manners, stood up and offered Spike and Jasmine some raw deer. Jasmine declined, muttering something about lunch. Spike was about to skewer a big piece with his fork when Jasmine stood on his foot. Spike realised he wasn't hungry anymore, and put his fork down.

Everyone was dead silent. Edward looked strangely at Jasmine and Spike. First, he did a double take. Then he strained his ears, as though listening for something. Obviously, he didn't hear what he was listening for, because his next expression was a sort of scrunched-up face, followed by widened eyes and an open mouth. Emmett snorted. "What? Emmett that is so slack!" Edward yelled across the table. Jasmine was laughing too. It seemed that Jasmine and Emmett were sharing a silent joke.

"What?" Alice asked. "What is it? I want to know! I want to know!" "If it's my hair again…" Spike muttered. Rosalie seethed with jealousy. Jasmine laughed more. Then Emmett and Jasmine stood up and high-fived each other, still laughing. "Oh my God guys, like, what the hell?" Lucy shook her head. Fleur looked confused. Claire didn't look like she really cared what was happening at the dinner table; in fact she had her nose buried in a book. Cassie sighed and went back to picking at her deer. Monique was talking to Jedd in hushed tones, oblivious to everyone else at the table.

"EXCUSE ME!" Everyone shut up. Everyone then turned around to face Johanna. "Would anyone mind telling me what the hell you are laughing at?" Jasmine opened her mouth. All the non mind readers looked at her expectantly. She then burped and closed her mouth. "Eww…" Everyone looked at her, grossed out. That is, everyone except Lucy, Fleur, Monique and Emmett. "Score! But I reckon I could do a better one!" Emmett dissed. "Oh, you're on, muscle man!" "MUSCLE MAN?" he choked. "That the best you can do, pom?" "Excuse me…" "Actually, it isn't." "Excuse m-"

"Oh! You wanna bet?" Emmett clicked his fingers. "Right." Said Jasmine. "5 quid." She threw a fiver down on the table. "EXCUSE ME! …AGAIN!" Johanna added, for extra drama. Again, everyone swung around. "What was the fucking joke, guys?" "That was rude. Say please." "How 'bout no?" Johanna asked Jasmine. "Fine. The joke was… it was… well, Emmett thought that Edward looked constipated." "Oh my God, you're right!" Fleur smiled. Everyone at the table cracked up. Carlisle chuckled. Bella giggled. Jacob was laughing the loudest. Edward sat there with his head in his hands. "…surrounded by a bunch of loons…" he muttered. Then they were interrupted by a loud knock at the door. BANG! BANG! Esme stood up to open the door. Esme walked back in with a really confused look on her face. "Jasmine? Spike? Miss Buffy is here to see you…" Esme gestured to the front door. A couple of seconds later, Jasmine stuck her head around the door .and into the dining room. "Sorry, change of plans, we won't be needing any help. Turns out our friend from New York knew about our delay. She sent a friend to pick us up. Thanks for everything. See you again soon, I hope!" And in a blur of blonde hair, she was gone.

As soon as she left, Edward spoke. "They were weird." "You're only being sour about the constipation face, aren't you?" "No, Emmett. I mean, I couldn't read their minds. It was as though something was blocking me. Sort of like when I first met Bella…but bigger." Edward looked into the distance, thinking. "I know. I think she was a psychic." Natalie said. "I don't know what she was," Fleur shrugged her shoulders "But they're definitely not going to New York."

"What? What makes you say that?" Alice asked her. "Well, for starters, they were both really, well, fishy. And also," Fleur picked up the money that Jasmine had left on the table. "She has English currency." "Maybe their just tourists," Jasper suggested. "No. Fleur's right…" Rosalie muttered. "There was something totally fishy about those guys. And who mistakes Forks for New York?" "Maybe they can't read maps…" Jacob suggested. "I don't know…" Fleur shook her head. "But there is something seriously wrong with them." "No. You're over-reacting." Alice smiled. "You're too smart for your own good, Fleur. Now let's go upstairs. We've got a big day tomorrow." "We do?" Cassie asked. "Yeah. We're going shopping!" Bella groaned. Rosalie sighed. Everyone seemed to have forgotten about these mysterious visitors, but no matter how hard she tried, Fleur couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong. And that something was going to happen soon. Something bad.

Something bad was going to happen. But no one could have seen it coming. Not even Alice.


	6. Fun in the Mall

**A/N: I do not own either Buffy or Twilight. Because I am neither Stephenie Meyer or Joss Wheedon. So, yeah. Continue reading. Oh and please review… Thanks! Sorry about taking so long to update. I was busy with my sequel to "Are they doing what we think they're doing" called "What are they doing now!"**

Chapter Six

_Previously, on Meet the Masens: "Actually, I've never been to Wales in my life. And it's not you I recognise, it's…" Johanna turned to face Spike. "It's you." she pointed at him… "But there is something seriously wrong with them." "No. You're over-reacting." Alice smiled. "You're too smart for your own good, Fleur"… but no matter how hard she tried, Fleur couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong. And that something was going to happen soon. Something bad._

"Rise and shine, people!" Alice yelled. Fleur stood up.

"But… we don't sleep."

"I wasn't talking to you." Alice giggled.

"I was talking to Lucy and Ryan!" Lucy had her eyes squeezed shut. Ryan, who was lying next to her, was muttering something about beauty sleep.

"Come on, you lazy humans!" Bella sighed impatiently. Lucy gave Alice the finger and rolled over so that her head was on Ryan's chest.

"We're not humans…" Lucy mumbled.

"We're mutants." Alice shook her head, clearly annoyed, and turned around to Fleur.

"How about you?" she asked.

"You wanna come shopping?" Fleur shrugged and Alice smiled.

"Come on! Please? I'll pick out something really, really nice! Please…?" Alice pouted.

"I don't know…" Fleur seemed unsure.

"You can bring Cassie. Plus, Bella and Rose will be coming. Oh, come on Fleur!"

"Fine." Fleur sighed.

"Yes!" Alice squealed, grabbing hold of Fleur's wrist and dragging her downstairs.

"This is gonna be _so much fun!_"Alice grinned.

"I'm not so sure…" Fleur whispered.

***

In the end, there were 6 girls at the shops… Alice, Bella, Rosalie, Fleur, Cassie and Johanna, there were also 3 boys at the shop, Nic, Jasper and Jacob. Everyone except Alice had been forced to go. Alice was doing the forcing.

"Come on guys! Fleur," she said, turning to Fleur.

"I want you to try on… this, this, this, this, this, this, this and that." She gave Fleur several items of clothing to try on, including a rather revealing orange dress and a pastel-green poncho.

"Umm… Alice?" Fleur asked, looking a bit apprehensive about trying on all the clothes.

"Yes Fleur?" Alice chimed.

"Um… I'm not too sure about this poncho. And orange isn't really my colour..." Alice smiled knowingly.

"Fleur, just try them on. Then, if you _still_ don't like them, you don't have to buy them" Fleur sighed and agreed. She walked off to find the change rooms. "Now, I'd like _you_ to try… umm… this, this, this, these, this, this, these and this. Oh and that too." Johanna had a big pile of clothes. She too looked a little unsure about some of the more revealing items, but she followed Fleur to the change rooms

. "And you." Alice turned to Cassie.

"You will need… this, this, this, this, that, that, this, and…these." Cassie sighed, took her pile, and lined up behind Johanna.

Alice smiled, clearly happy with her choices. After several seconds, Fleur came out in the rather bright orange dress which Alice picked out.

"Uhh… it's kind of… what's the word again… revealing?"

"Come on Fleur, name one single piece of clothing in your wardrobe that actually shows you have a figure?"

"Uhhh…" Fleur muttered.

"You know, Alice is right, you look beautiful in that dress" soothed Nic.

"Yeah right, anyway you're my boyfriend; you always think I'm beautiful. I don't get it how someone like you can love me…"

"Ughhh… Fleur! You, I repeat you, need to stop sulking and worrying like Bella, sometimes I think you're related!" shouted Alice. "I do not worry and sulk… do I?" asked Bella.

Jo came out later in a corset-like dress.

"Alice! Why do I have to wear size xxxxxxxxx-small! Can't I wear one extra less?" whined Jo.

"NO means NO!" answered Alice.

"Fine, but can you help me take it off?" asked Jo. After a few tugs and pull Alice replied

"I think it's stuck."

"What!!!" yelled Jo.

"Fine, Jake can you help me. Please." Jo begged.

"Sure why not?" answered Jacob.

"But we need to go in there." Jacob explained while pointing to one of change rooms.

"Okay!" replied Jo. Jacob and Johanna disappeared into the change room.

Meanwhile…

"Whyyyyyyyyyyy?"

"Whyyyyyyyyyyy Not?"

"'Cause I'm a man and I don't need silk bras and panties!" yelled Spike.

"Thanks Captain Obvious. I need the things no you!" rebutted Jas.

"Why do you need them anyway?" questioned Spike.

"I don't want to become commando, what do you want me to?" screamed Jas.

"Well no… kinda, maybe hmmmm…" Spike drifted off.

THWACK!

"What the bloody hell was that for?!" Spike asked whilst touching his cheek.

"Well sorry, but you were just screaming porn" exclaimed Jas.

"No I didn't. I sworn I didn't say it out loud." said a confused Spike.

"Helllllllllooooo. I'm a mind reader, remember?" Jas explained whilst tapping her forehead.

"Sorry… I keep forgetting. But… you know…It's only natural for a bloke like me to-"

TWACK!

"Ow! What is your problem?!"

"You. Now let's go." Jas grabbed Spike's arm and led him over to the underwear section of the store.

"What do you think of… these?" Jas produced a pair of floral knickers.

"Err… no. No way. Not you at all."

"Then what is 'me'?"

Spike thought. He opened his mouth then closed it. He thought again…

"Ewww! No way! Erlack, Spike! I'm never wearing that!!

Spike had thought of a see-through bra with a matching thong.

"I hate men." Jas shook her head.

"They always think with their dic-"

"How about this one?" Spike called. Jas wondered over to where Spike was standing. He was holding a lacy corset. A tag hanging off the back stated that it came with a free whip. Jasmine looked at Spike. He silently put the corset back on the rack.

"Well, what are you looking for?" asked Spike

"Something classy, yet slutty. Something fancy, but also comfortable."

"That's impossible."

"No it's not."

"Yes it is!" replied Spike. Jas rolled her eyes.

"It's a girl thing." Spike looked confused.

"Then why am I here?"

"Because. I told you. I need a male opinion."

"Why? It's not like a male is ever going to see your knickers."

THWACK!

"What the bloody hell did I do now? If I'm going to be punished for telling the bloody truth, then-"

THWACK!

Spike looked as though he was about to scream. Jasmine just sighed.

"Come on you poofter." They continued to search for Jasmine's impossible undergarments.

(Buffy POV.)

I heard from Jasmine that Jacob was coming with his girlfriend and the other vamps to the mall. Don't ask me how she knows. I've learnt to trust her judgement, because 99% of the time, she's right.

So I sat in the food court and waited for assign that my future BF was there. He didn't show. Let me tell you now, I was NOT pleased. After awhile, I gave up, and decided that, while I was at the mall, I should at least buy some new khaki pants and boots. So I walked into an interesting looking store and I saw an interesting person. She was tallish, had shoulder length black hair and was wearing an orange dress… I thought the dress would look better on Dawn, but it suited this girl pretty well. She didn't seem to like it though. She was shaking her head and sulking while this hot blonde guy was soothing her (but he wasn't as hot as Jacob). Eventually she returned to the change room.

Finally I saw_ her_ dressed in this tight corset-like dress (that frankly, would have looked better on me)…OMG, and then… I saw _him_. *Swoon*! He was wearing a tight black singlet which hugged each of his muscles and cut-off jeans, and there was a black cord on his right ankle. Weird… yet amazingly attractive. I was imaging our house, right on the beach, when Johanna's hand violently attacked Jacob! I would have saved him, but my shoe was stuck to a large blob of gum, and it was taking a lot of effort to un-stick. By the time I had reached the changing area Johanna had already abducted Jacob. I wondered where she had taken him. I was just about to leave out of hopelessness, when I heard someone groan. Oh no. This couldn't be good…

"Jacob, harder!" Johanna gasped. My jaw dropped.

"I'm trying, Jo! It's just so tight!" Jacob moaned. Oh. My. God.

"Jacob! I need you to, right now!"

"Almost there…" Jacob grunted.

"Yes… Yes… YES!!" Johanna screamed. Jacob sighed tiredly.

Johanna came out first, her hair was disarrayed and she looked flustered. Then I saw Jacob. On his sweat-covered face, there was a smug grin. To confirm my nightmare, Johanna walked over to her friend in the orange dress and exclaimed: "He did it! Jacob is the best boyfriend ever!"

Her friend replied: "Finally! I thought you'd never get it off!"

To my utter horror, I heard his friend, the hot blonde dude (who I think was with the girl in the orange dress) tell him: "You have so much control, if it was Fleur I would have just ripped it off."

My jaw dropped even further.

_Ugh! I can't take it anymore! I'm leaving now!_ I thought before storming out of the store. _Johanna is so gonna pay for that!_

( Fleur's POV)

God, that blonde must have some serious personality issues! She looked as though Jacob, helping his girlfriend take off her tight dress was a crime!

**A/N: Phew! Another chapter done.** **Please review. If you think there are way too many characters don't worry… more will come! – tsubasa37**


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